Starting my journey becoming a foster parent, I had no idea the lessons I would learn during my first year. Although the path seems somewhat paved with trainings and home studies, the unknowns your feet will be tracing go beyond what a required class can teach you. Here's two must-knows I discovered during my experience:
Your Emotions Don’t Rule
Foster parenting gives you a crash course on emotions vs. facts and for me, it was a tough one. Though I don’t make decisions soley based on emotions, the way I feel tells me a lot about a situation. I’m also not someone who always thinks about things in a detached outside perspective. I’m a nice combo right in the middle of reason and emotions! When you get a new placement there are so many emotions to feel- joy, pain, excitement and sorrow. You feel it all, but what I quickly learned is that you cannot make decisions based on those emotions. The caseworkers, therapists, doctors and judges will ask you about the facts of how the child is doing inside of your home, not how you feel about it. The truth is, if I let my emotions take up too much room the facts get clouded by them. This is something I have to work to keep in check; I’m a work in progress!
Importance of Community
Perhaps the most important lesson I’ve learned is the importance of a circle of people around you who understand and support your calling to foster. I simply could not have made it through without community. I would not be able to keep going if I did not have friends who were willing to walk right into the mess of foster care with me. This last year I have felt so loved by my friends -both in real life and those friendships I have online. From bringing meals to us when we got a new placement to remembering court dates and sending a text of encouragement. If you are a foster parent or are becoming a foster parent and don’t have people willingly walking with you through this please seek out people who will, they’re out there, I promise. Not only is community important but having friends who are also foster parents helps to lighten your load, you don’t feel so alone when you see other people doing foster care alongside you. I didn’t know any other single foster moms when I started this journey and I longed to know someone who was in a similar place as me, so I used social media to find other single foster moms. I chat with a lot of them weekly and we’re able to celebrate the highs and whether the lows together. It has been so good for me to have people who understand what I’m doing because they’re doing it too. It seems scary to seek out people you don’t know but in the end, it is so worth it to have these friendships to lean on.
Foster parents, I am so thankful for you. You are changing lives everyday with what you are doing. Keep going! If you are considering becoming a foster parent, keep learning and looking into it. It seems scary, but I promise you these kids are worth it.
- Kaely
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